Bananas Blog!

Said a whisper last night while I held you,
and I told you that I needed you forever
I told you everything I want to live for,
and how we could be
When the words come to me and it’s magic you know,
and I find that I’m rhyming away where I go,
and I feel that the wisdom is coming,
and I know…..

Magic in the way you move,
and every time I tell you that
I want to give you something
for something so true,
and the way that you can know me,
and the way that you can tell me,
and you know that I am searchin’
and I’m searchin’ for you,

and the way you’re gonna love me when I go up and tell you that
I’m gonna need you when I get there,
In my dreams, in my futures, in my prayers too,
and like a whisper in the wind

I can see you there,
Before I cry
It doesn’t matter where I’m going
tonight…..
You’re gonna be there with me.

Took you to the park
and I tried to tell you something,
while we’re looking at the sun
as if we’re staring at the moon,
and I can see the stars,
and the bark on the trees
I can see the way they move,
and the way they feel

When I look into your eyes,
and I find you there,
i can see that it’s magic
that’s in the air,
and it’s somethin’ I do,
and it’s something I say,
while the hands on the clock
they are ticking away

And I feel
that I can love you forever,
If you just let me have the chance
I’ll love you,
forever…..
Be with me.

I can see you in the mountainside,
I can see you in the wind;
the way that the ocean is flowing when I see the sun
setting in the west again
and everything that I’m goin on I’m though I’m not there
Oh Im driving up the road with all my cares,
and my mind is racing a million ways,
I can see that you’re…..

in my mind today,
you know that i miss you
Soon I’ve got to come back home
to see you…..
You’re my girl.

———————————————————-

It’s so strange how you can totally can feel like this and still feel not in a happy way.

My Emotions:
Anger, Frustration, disappointment, confusion, loss of control, loss of reality, wanting to cry but i have no reason nor any tears….OH well

Anyone know anything about Al-anon let me know, I’m mulling it over.

Also I’m taking applications for cheerleaders to make me motivated and feel better…..If you apply you are guaranteed a spot, promise. Okay gotta go to class.

Wow, it has been a long time for me to update….I’m such an LJ whore, i read everyone elses but never update my own sorry guys, I’m just using you!

So here’s a brief update of my life based on different areas of my life:

School:
WAY TO MUCH HOMEWORK! that I dont’ do….umm there’s a problem. Each day i keep wishing I could drop a class or stop being an RA so i could actually not feel completely split. I don’t think anyone realizes how ready I am for this summer, I need our house and i NEED my girls.

RA-ness:
Umm yeah, I love my kids, but I hate the job—to many restrictions, I can’t handle all the pressure…but i think a big part is the fact that I’m taking a graduate course and some freakin hard classes…..perhaps….Althought I have gotten some ideas out, I think next week I”m gonna do an OC thing were we can watch the OC and perhaps a student can explain the craze to me. I think i might copy Shayhan and teach my floor Sign Language for a weekend social…which can be fun, but I want to find someone who knows more slang then I do and then they can help me make the class more enjoyable….and yeah my faculty dinner is all good….I just need to e-mail hui-lan about the date. Thank GOD for Prof. Scholp…she is my lifesaver!

Family:
Yeah, let’s just say it’s not exactly all hunky-dory, but it’s not bad, I just need to forge onward.

Friends:
I miss my girls….I think I even miss the drama….:-P Maybe not I need knitting/puzzle-doing/sewing/tv-watching buddies…Where my girls at??? LOL so when i typed girls i totally typed grils but ya know, caught myself and that reminded me of a time at girl scout camp. They got us shirts made the said girl scout camp….yadda, yadda yadda but the idiot who made them put on there gril scout camp so to fix it (b/c apprently it’s not that important when women’s things get screwed up….ask me about PSY 443) they just crossed out gril and put girl above it…how cheap! lol but it was funny, now i see it was sexist.

oh so side note, I’m writing a paper on the sexism in Paradise Lost, don’t ask me where it came from but damn! that’s the first decent idea ever!

Therapy:
yay therapy! i’m a freak but it’s alllll good

Matthew:
Things are great, I’m so happy with my mattchiue For V-day i got a pretty necklace (heart with two hearts w/i it) and some flowers and a starbarmonkey card! yay! Althought not everything in his family is hunky-dory either I think things will work there way out….

Me:
So I think i’m doing okay over all, although I’ve been putting a lot of thought into grad school and how I want to handle it all. I think i’m really scared b/c I dunno I don’t think i can handle an apt payment on my own and school and internet (it’s mandatory for my schooling) and then work….I’m really afraid I won’t find a job who will go half and half with me and I have no idea how to get out there and get the job I want. I think that’s my biggest concern..and in one year from today I will be finalizing these details…..AHHHHHHHHHHHH Talk about a nervous disorder! Just got to do it the Dorie way: “Just keep breathing, just keep breathing, just keep breathing, breathing, breathing…” FOR REAL!!!!!!!

Anywho, I got my cell phone put into my name but the idiots that call me and hear, “Hi, you’ve reached ANNA”s cell phone, can’t come to the phone, please leave a message” and STILL leave a message like, “Hey So-and-so, sorry but your crack order hasn’t come in, if you want to come sniff my butt i think that wil hold you over,” or some crazy shit like that are DRIVING ME INSANE! Esp when they call at 6:45 in the AM!!!

Oh and yeah, I’m going on an urban plunge this weekend…umm can i say I’m scared shitless..I have a tiny bit of an idea of what to expect but still..i dunno if i’m ready for this….oh well, odnt’ have a choice!

Okay for real…bed…I should have done that an hour ago….I’m a freak i know.